Peeve's Death
by Caitstone
Summary: Peeves goes to Hogwarts. This is the story of how he died.
1. Sorting Hat?

PEEVES!!!! (crash) "You can't catch me!" Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!  
  
Gorphney sighed as he heard the sounds of their most troublesome student once again. He was always getting into trouble. Oh, dear. Atleast he's a sixth year. Only one more year to go until he's out of my hair. As headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Gorphney had dealt with Peeves since he first got off the Express, six years ago. It was a Tuesday…  
  
"Hogwarts, huh? An interesting place. I can really wreak some havoc here. I wonder where the first years go?" "Jeffrey!" He looked up. "Jeffrey Peeves! Get over here right this instant. Stop writing in that little book. You have to get to the Sorting. Peeves! Now!"  
  
"All right, all right. I'm coming." He set down his journal. The book accidentally flipped open to the first page:  
  
Things to Do:  
  
Insult this hat I've heard so much about. What is it with the talking hat, anyway?  
  
During the feast, eat off someone else's plate.  
  
Try to do a spell with my new wand!  
  
Belch loudly. They'll hate that.  
  
Have a party in our dorms.  
  
During first class, bother person in front of me.  
  
Dip hair of a blonde girl into ink pot when sh  
  
He sighed. The teachers here were so persistent. He couldn't even finish the sentence he was writing. --------------o0 Peeves went toward the teacher's voice. This was going to be pretty exciting.  
  
As they entered the Great Hall for the Sorting, a voice was heard, coming from a loud yet tattered hat. A rip near the brim had opened up. The hat was singing.  
  
A hat, a hat,  
  
I'm a bewitched hat.  
  
I hate that you've bewitched me  
  
I hate picking houses  
  
I hate Hogwarts,  
  
You witch folk are louses.  
  
Slytherin, why that's a joke!  
  
Its evil there, Their stone hearts all broke.  
  
Hufflepuff? Please.  
  
Those scaredy cats would scream if someone sneezed.  
  
Ravenclaw? Geeks.  
  
Knowledge. Books is all they care about. What freaks.  
  
And my favorite! Gryffindor!  
  
They're so full of themselves,  
  
They're arrogant to the core.  
  
So go ahead! Put me on, And see what I'll do.  
  
Rotten?  
  
Afraid to go?  
  
Bookworm?  
  
Ego?  
  
You're one of them,  
  
You're not sure which,  
  
So find out, put me on,  
  
And don't let you fat heads rip another stitch.  
  
Everyone sat in stunned silence. What had gone wrong?  
  
  
  
Well, that was the first part. What do you guys think? Do you like it? If so, please review. If not, review anyway. The next part will be up in a while.  
  
The name Peeves, the idea of the school, and the sorting hat as well as the express are J.K. Rowling's. 


	2. The Sorting

No one knew what had happened. The Sorting Hat had an entire year and this is the song he thought of? Gorphney knew that something was definitely not right. He looked around at his school and sighed. The older students (who had heard the hat's joyous, welcoming songs many times before) were still shocked and mute. Some of new students were starting to laugh, thinking it was a joke. In fact, one of them was laughing particularly hard. His wand was also close at hand, although with new students the wand is sometimes a novelty that they like to keep close; sort of making them realize it wasn't all a happy dream, but reality.  
  
One of the teachers, a forceful, commandeering man that taught Arithmancy, stood up and walked over to the hat. He was also visibly shaken but being the type of man he was he decided to take control of the situation.  
  
Let them think it was a joke. Why not? No need to scare them. Some of the more eccentric pupils would tell the others it was the work of a dark wizard, though there was none too especially dangerous or power-hungry. Professor Tarp, for that was his name, started to laugh and clap. This visibly relieved the students, who laughed and clapped along with him.  
  
Good, thought Gorphney. Tarp has taken care of the situation. When I get back to my office I must perform a spell as to see the last spell placed on the hat, and to which magical core the guilty wand possessed. This spell, when performed precisely, could even tell if the owner of the wand was very comfortable with magic or whether they were a beginner, if they were male, female, or other, and even a basic holographic picture of the likely culprit. Useful little spell, he mused.  
  
For now though, lets get on with the Sorting. The transfiguration teacher, at a signal from the headmaster, stood up and began to call names.  
  
Peeves stood nervously in the line. What house will I be in? He thought. I hope its not Hufflepuff. A loud of dunder heads. He was sure he wouldn't be there. Slytherin? No, I may play some tricks but I'm still not that evil. (Although my song WAS pretty good.) Gryffindor? Doesn't sound that bad at all. Ravenclaw sounds awesome. Ravenclaw. It's a very impressive name. Either of those two will work for me. During this time that he had been thinking, PARKER, CLEONORA had become a ravenclaw, JONES, CATHY was a Hufflepuff, and DRIGNIS, ROLAND became a Slytherin. Finally, PEEVES, JEFFREY was called. He put the hat on. It screamed.  
  
"Ahhhhhhh! Him! It was him!" He shouted this out loud. "Bewitcher!" Peeves glanced wildly at the headmaster. How did the hat know? The headmaster, to his surprise, actually looked pleased with himself.  
  
I won't have to perform that tricky little charm after all, he thought to himself. I will let him get his house, and then he will receive his punishment.  
  
Peeves could hear the little voice inside his head. I'll put you in Hufflepuff, I will. The hat said to him. No, please, don't put me there. I don't want to go to Hufflepuff. The hat taunted him again. Cowardly little Hufflepuff is where you will go. That's where I'm putting you. No plea- RAVENCLAW!  
  
Peeves got off the stool, relieved. The hats true nature came through. Uh oh. Here comes the headmaster.  
  
How dare you! He shouted, trying not to laugh. Laugh? Thought peeves. He is giving me a punishment!  
  
What was really going on was that Gorphney was amused by the antics and the magical powers this boy possessed, as it was only his first day. Being as it was the start of term, Gorphney only gave him a detention.  
  
  
  
Well folks, that was the second bit. Enjoying it? I admit it is a bit confusing what with the switching of the thought patterns (its morning) but you pretty much get the gist of it.  
  
The hat and the name peeves belong to J.K. Rowling. 


End file.
